Sexual Abuse SurvivorPro's & Con's of Therapy
I think the main thing is trusting someone with your most private and personal thoughts about the sexual abuse that I suffered. By going into therapy I realized that Alan did care about what happened and after a couple of visit's I began to feel comfortable and relaxed. I learned to understand why my thoughts and behaviours were messed up and it was not my fault I was just a kid when it happened.
Therapy does not cure you over night but it helps to make you aware of how to see things with a more calmer and clearer approach as well as a better understanding of what happened to you. However, it is up to you to change and see that life is to short to let toxic nightmares of abuse haunt you for the rest of your life.
We all make mistakes in life but as long as we learn from them and have a better understanding through therapy of how not to repeat them then you know that you are on your way to recovery.
To: Alan Kaine
From: A stable, clear thinker with empathy and morals
I ran to you! As hard and straightforward as you were, it just made so much sense, the direction tools you provided for me.
When I first called you, out of fear and panic from my unstable relationship, you were there to listen, analyze, converse, draw out information and guide me through my troubled and darkest periods of my life.
All the assignments, as hard and arduous as they were, they made me look at my life, the good and the not so good, and appreciate, with 'understandings' clearer choices and decisions and proper paths to take. The sessions allowed me to be sensitive to the early stages of improper and distorted thinking and how to stop them and control them rather than they control me and even justifying them, whether knowingly or not.
You have been a true therapist. You have helped me see and appreciate myself, for the first time in my life and provide me with the necessary life tools to move ahead. This was not an easy task for a male, to address emotions and to deal with them, but you gave direction and stayed on course.
I cannot thank you enough for showing me to stand up proudly and see this world and move forward with a clear conscience and sound thought process. My life is much more stable and happier since I have had your help and guidance and for that, I will always be grateful.
Most sincerely, M
Unmotivated Sexual Abuser"
I hope this letter finds you well. I have been better, but I'm just fine given the circumstance of living arrangements.
I must begin by apologizing to you for not trusting in you more completely. The reasons for my apology are something I have addressed and worked on during the past couple of years. Honesty, openness and trust are the keys to my success in the community.
Currently I am working with a therapist here specifically on relapse prevention using my situation in the community as a reference to what I need to do in therapy and personalcompletely especially with regard to why I did not reveal what I needed to you in order for you to help me. We can discuss it in greater detail, which I am certain you will want to.
Jane(name changed) mentioned that you will want me to sign a contract. I have no problem with it so long as it is reasonable, which it likely will be.
I am glad that you are willing to work with me again. I think it is an appropriate therapist/client relationship because we have already some understanding of one another and, more important, I know you will not be easy on me.
For what it is worth Al, I am very determined to work at staying safe in the community. Especially since I have a little girl I want to help raise and watch grow up. Enough said; time will demonstrate how committed I am.
2 Years of Therapy
The Positive and negative aspects of 2 years of therapy.
- As I sit here I feel a sense of having completed something.
- Therapy provides a place to vent, therefore not letting what transpired during the week to fester, also it lessens the burden placed on my spouse from having to constantly hear about what happened.
- Therapy provides a place for individual growth as both a man and a human being.
- Therapy provides different point(s) of view on a variety of topics discussed or read about.
- Very helpful in finding the precipitating factors that lead to where we were then and are today.
- Therapy provides the guidance required to see the many avenues of credibility, accountability and seemingly unimportant decisions that fill our everyday life.
- The monthly assessments provide a focal point in the lines of communication, which is very important in any relationship.
- The assignments and verbal interaction were both challenging and rewarding, giving one a sense of accomplishment.
- Availability of the therapist was very important to establish a good rapport, especially in the early stages of release.
- Therapy can provide the means for a new outlook on life, beginning with the basics.
- Therapist was able to bring out the reality of the conviction and did not pass any judgment on the individual nor be demeaning in any way.
- Out of the three therapists involved, Al was the only one who seemed sincerely interested in what was happening with the individuals and their lives over the last two years.
- Therapy requires an individual to look deep in their heart and soul and face the stark honesty as well as reality in what they did.
- Therapy is another weapon that can be used in order to stop the ignorance and the violence that is being spread.
- Group provides an essential resource of positive thinking and mental directional stability within ones self.
- After a group session one leaves feeling that one more step in the right direction has been taken.
- The individual must take many things with him as he leaves the formal therapy process in order to continue to use this new found knowledge as the foundation for a continuation of new growth.
- Perhaps the opportunity for a member of the community who deals with the perspective from the victims point of view should be brought in to detail the trauma one has inflicted upon another person.
- Some of the handouts were very heavy and into a little more detail than what seemed required.
Desperate and on the verge of a nervous breakdown, I arrived at Alan Kaine's office skeptical and wondering what this guy was all about. After a few visits, I became more comfortable with his caring attitude and direct approach. If "I" wanted to regain "My" confidence, awareness and self-esteem, it was up to "ME".
Alan presented me with information modules pertaining to all aspects of relapse prevention for my situation. Then, on a weekly basis, the assignments were completed and together we discussed various methods available to show the ways and means of why and how I fell under the spell of internet porn. Eventually, I learned how to express my feelings to a greater degree and enhance my relationship with my wife. Time, patience and will power will only redeem me of my foolish attitude and desperation.
Thanks Al for first giving my confidence back and second being there when I needed you.